Monday, May 24, 2010

" Are you goin to finish Strong "



Tears are pouring down my face right now as I look at my life and the worries I have about my self sometimes emotions of .....

Guilt
shame
Hopelessness
Envy
jealousy
regret
Sadness
Hurt
Anger

I feel that I am so lucky in life to be who I am as I watch the following inspirational video . . I know I whinge about my issues in life and use my blog to vent my spleen .  but I realise know how fortunate my life really is and look at it a little differently

The simple things like

Walking along the beach and  feeling the sand between my toes and running to chase a seagull like a mad puppy dog who has no fear . clapping my hands in appreciation of some one who has done well .  Being able to hold my wife in my arms when she is crying or upset and just needs a cuddle . Or putting my arms around a friend to console them in difficult times ..  Being able to walk my daughter down the Aisle at her Wedding and waving at my son as he scores a goal at soccer .. Hugging my first child and holding him in my arms ....

Simple things I take for granted . ..



I watched this video posted on my Facebook page and just cried and cried ..  It makes me realise just who I am and how  my life is compared to others . I complain  about everything and nothing ,  I argue about everything and nothing .    Every one has potential in life and our souls are there to guide us ...may be its time we listened to our souls a little more . God already has a plan for me . of that I ma suer . I think it high time I put it in to action  rather than wallowing in my own self righteousness !!!




Emotionally we all take things for granted DON'T WE .. the video below reinforces just how wonderful we all are in the scheme of things and that no matter what our stumbling bocks we have in life . we are not alone but the key word here is in our life is  as Nick Vujicic says in the video

" Are you going to finish strong ?.............then you will find the strength to get back up "






Please watch this video and I ask that you please please share it with all your friends . To show that we are so blessed on this earth and we should all be grateful  no matter what . Nick speaks for us all

God Bless you all and all you have in your lives .. ...

Thank you
Gary

Saturday, May 22, 2010

A moment if you please after 6 months of Blogging

I write to you all to say how I am touched by each end every one of you . I started writing this blog with the aim to simply help me feel better about my self and may be relate my experiences to others who may be seeking an understanding of what life is like as some one who has or is suffering from a mental illness and that some times it is a very lonely scary place to be.

I wanted to share my journey  with you and share my last few years as I have lived it . I wanted to move your mind in to my world and allow you to see , more importantly I wanted to give hope to the world in a way that allows it to may be change the way it breathes as a oneness .

I have written much dialogue  about my self .  So far you have laughed , cried , screamed and yelled with me as I have shared at times my inner most thoughts . for me writing comes natural , But I know not all of you express your selves in this way so I have tried to touch you all in as many ways as I possibly can using many media ..

My aim has also been to help others  by my posts . I have not sought validation or approval for my work . Eventually if I find a publisher brave enough to take my work on I may see the world reading my work . I just want the world to be a happier place and people to be accepted just for who they are in this wonderful planet ,

I have made many friends here while writing my  blogs . Some of you have brought me to tears literally with your own stories and some of you have humbled me by your comments and I acknowledge you all .

I do this also as a way of therapy for myself who like you experiences life in many weird and wonderful ways , Blogs are a way also to do things like to say

I am sorry , I love you , forgive me ,  I care , I have disappointed , I am human .   We some times as writers can get a little brazened in out approach . I have probably been guilty of this too

I am but a mere mortal on this planet with so many faults .. Just ask my family . But I accept me for who I am . I don’t think I really want to be any other way . 

 

To my followers I thank you for your support over the first six months and feel so special that there are so many of you .. I check every day to see how many people have joined . I get so excited when a new person joins and am always touched when I read here or on facebook your comments  I am like a kid in a candy store .

 

Over the last few month my mind has been muddled and I have had moments of darkness . Moments of stark life contemplation and  heavy heart . I guess I am still learning to love me and in the process have stopped being me .

I cannot change who I am . I am a product of my difficult background .  I try not to pass judgment and I am trying to hold back tears now as I remember back earlier this year  people close to me thought of me other wise . I have struggled with my families on both mine and my partner see me . and that hurts me the most ..  I cannot help where i came from or who my role models were in my life . I have learned of late to try to acknowledge just who I am and try to Love me .. 

at the end of the day I am human , I make mistakes , I learn and I try my hardest apply the learning . So please don't judge me on that my dear families . Just Love me … May be I am  just trying to find love and have probably hurt people along the way ..

It is easy for others to judge

Please stop judging me .. please .

I am a great person not some mentally unstable person who carries the personality traits of persons past ..I hope those who have doubted me with my blog receive the love that God can give them more than others .

I want to say to you all that I share my love with all of you in my thoughts . You are all like a big family to me and I do worry about how you all are in your lives . I appreciate too that my life is one life and your stories are all different .

I am still singing and have shared much from my barber shop world and wooed a few singers here too.

I have enjoyed sharing my story about my father with you and loved the feedback from that . it has been a difficult chapter of my life and has caused much sentiment in many eyes and has touched people here who have been able to relate to it . The reunion affected me in many ways and also has changed me as a person . I have over the last few months had to deal with this as a man and not as a childhood memory and have had to deal with repressed memories , bubbling emotions and of late some dark moments of contemplation about just who I am and why and how  I should behave towards my family on both sides and for that I am truly truly sorry . I have felt rejected for who I am and how I got to this stage in my life , trying to make up for lost time .

I have realised how important my own family unit are to me .  And those of you who think lesser of me because of my behaviour .. I have no excuses for any of it . I am trying to grapple with the soul I am and ask for your forgiveness yet do not expect anything more than acknowledgement .

 

To my family and  wonderful in laws I ask to learn to know me again .. I miss you all greatly and will try to be all that I can be to all of you …My blessings to you .. .. ..

 

So where to from here ??

I will just try to be the best person I can be . Like every one else I will fall some times but I will get back up and just keep plodding along no matter who tries to tear me ..

I will try to bring my heart out for others to share so that one day you will feel the goodness in me …

6 months on and I am still on my journey to happiness and learning to breathe gently though every minute of it ..

 

May God’s Angels lift my soul to heaven ever so gently when

I sleep to renew the love I have for me so I may help other souls

become all that God has intended for them “

 

 

Gary Darbyshire

Author – Journey to Happiness  2010 May ..

 

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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Time to repair my world ..

Theres some thing about Josh Groban that soothes my soul .. that inspires me to be all I can be no matter what others may think of me . In the earliest moments of the day as I sit here , I listen to the re assurance of Gods voice through his lyrics and feel a little warmer in side as I sing along to heal any damage I may have done to my soul though the day just passed .

His lyrics below help me realize my love for my Wife and how wonderful she is and how much I have neglected her of recent times  . We are all unique souls on this planet . I am realizing that love is about give and take and is not reserved for one way expectations .It is also not about what is in it for me and it is some thing you need to work on .. as I write I feel my heart flutter back to a time when I really meant it and that over the last few years my mad mind has taken me over . However through the difficulties of depression to which I use no excuses for I am learning slowly to grow and take responsibility for who I am and realize I need to work on being all that I can be and all my soul is destined to achieve 

" From this day forward I will throw my energy in to the purest of Love I can find that the universe has to its avail and spread it to all who know me whom I have hurt or let down and try so so hard to make up for any misgiving in my life .. " 

blessings 
Gary 


Enjoy his Lyrics below .. 
Josh Groban ,,,, 

My heart was home again
Josh Groban 



So it goes, history shows
Deserts must expand
And camels sail like wooden ships
Like women on the strand
There’s sand on second avenue
And the wind blows like a train
Taxis light up like a string of pearls
Around the block again

And I remembered everything
And every windowpane
Every word came back to me
The way it used to be

Then I saw your face across the street
And my heart was home again

There’s a bus that leaves at 8:15
And another one at 10
Should I climb aboard ,
Risk everything and
Ride it to the end
Watch the hills like roller coasters
Up against the sky
And wish that you were here by me
So close that I could die
You said love wrecks everything
And none of us survive
So I got over you last night
And I am still alive

Then I saw your face across the street
And my heart was home again

And I remembered everything,
And every windowpane
Every word came back to me
The way it used to be

And then I saw your face across the street
And my heart was home…again 

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Listen to your soul sing


Listen to the vibrations you feel sometimes as you grapple the day ahead Now step back a moment and break the moment down in to a single momentary breath 



Listen to your heart and in between feel the small vibration ??That's the singing of your soul So sing a song back in between the breaths you take in the gap of your life's moments 
to aid you in your day.

Now close your eyes and imagine floating through your soul ..

What do you see ?  


Soul Existence





What you see will be many paths , many lives and many minds which are all yours 

What you experience is up to you but in my journey back to happiness I have experienced the touch of my soul by listening deeply in side my mind and quietly reflecting on my situation   no matte how low I may feel . I try to focus on a little light force that will beat constantly and I wait in my mind till it comes by and picks up my sadness and takes me home to the  mother of my soul ...my heart....



Its not about God but more about the synergy between spirit and soul . I believe your spirit helps guide your soul in to the right direction and as planned as we may feel we may be we all have free will to change our path so when you search your soul for answers exercise that choice and when you are sad make happier choices .. 


Blessings to all my followers especially my newest ones ..



Sincerely 
Gary Darbyshire 



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