Friday, July 16, 2010

Two cups of coffee and a chocolate bickkie







                     TAKEN A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO NEAR MY HOME 




Hi everyone ..


It' s Saturday Morning 17th of July 2010 and counting ..

Ahhh first cup of coffee ..

As I sit here in front of my PC with my cup of coffee  thinking random thoughts , I wonder just what is going on in the world of my readers .. the blog is now rocking along sure we dont have millions of readers but it is slowly spreading and for me the idea is simply to put it out there for you all to share .

I wonder what my readers in Africa do on a Saturday morning  .. or how cold it may be in one of my readers homes in Estonia or Norway ..  I often think what makes you happy in your country and why you choose to do the jobs you do or the life you live . I wonder how it  would be cool to be able to visit all of you even for a coffee some time ..

Then I wonder if what my work does here on my blog is making an impact . I wonder if the person who wanted to end it all is still with us or the persons friend who was having a real hard time is ok . I wonder if I offend any one with my posts .

I guess thats the first cup of coffee I have ...

The second cup of coffee 

Well by now the drug is waking my little mind up the the reality of the world we live in  but as I have a little  sugar in there , I feel a little softer in mood . I look at the tragedy in the world today . I look at the people that are homeless , I look at people who live in adverse poverty and I think with sadness at  wars still raging in parts of the world .

You know it is so easy for me as I look out of my window and see the mountains behind me and the beach a few minutes away to be so great but I also feel how blessed I am to be in this world right now to even tell you th story .  Many of you who have read my blog know I have suffered from depression and have grappled with issues . Many of you have also had your own issues in life that you have over come them and many of  you are still managing them ... but through this we just keep at it ...

I guess what I am trying to get across here is that we are all on this planet to see , experience many things but one thing we experience above all others is our own uniqueness and our own existence ..  It is this unique individually wrapped body we vacate with out heart and soul that makes us special and different .  And above all else in the world we should in my humble opinion look after all we have with in our being  not just physically but spiritually or mindfully ..

Time for the Chocolate Bickkie   ( biscuit )

We are here to experience all the world has to offer but I feel we are here to experience  the highest levels of feeling that go with those experience . I believe each and every one of us has a reason for being and though at times we question that I believe that ultimately we will know what it may be ..  So no matter the issues you have look at them as part of your journey and think that you are experiencing life ..  I know you may say how could you wish that !!!  . Its a bit like progression .. we all learn from experience ?? there for life has a way of helping us ..


In closing just enjoy being who you are , where you live and be grateful for all things around you and enjoy the love you give to others and the love you gain in return ... Love though your self first before other because it is the love for you that allows you to willingly care for the world you live in and the affects yo have on it

Blessings to you all ...

Gary Darbyshire





The view from my window here in Wollongong 
Photo taken by my gorgeous Daughter Adelina 



Comments any one ????????????

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Our Father Which Art In Heaven .......

So So  beautiful a voice and so beautiful a song.  Whether you are spiritual or not appreciate the words and how they help us all in who we are .

With such emotion words can convey much

As I sit hear at nearly midnight with tears streaming down my face I simply thank who ever gave me the chance to be on this earth and thank them for all  I am , have and and will be ...and think back to the day I nearly turned my back on life and feel ashamed at my ineptitude to not love myself then . I have moved forward though since then and thank the lord every day for allowing me to breathe life in to others ..


I also pray for all of you to be all that you are and all you can be and thank you al for being part of my life as i continue to try to spread hope and inspire happiness the world over with my posts ..

Blessing to each and every one of in which ever way your own faith receives them ,or in how ever you wish to think of my thoughts an energy ..

Love light and healing

Gary Darbyshire

                The Lords Prayer featuring Andrea Bocelli 

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Prayer of Saint Francis to share to give hope to us all in this World

One day , one hour , one minute
One moment is all you need  .

Dont despair just be the you that your soul presents you with and dont try to fight it ...

Blessings to all


Enjoy the Prayer of Saint Francis ....



Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there there is doubt, faith; where there is despair,hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.      Amen




The Lord be with you always



Sunday, June 20, 2010

Imagine ............................."

Imagine 


If you try a little harder in your heart you may imagine a world devoid of hunger .
If you try a little harder you may imagine a world where we all love each other
If you try a little harder you may imagine a world where hate is unknown
If you try a little harder you may imagine a world where love is all that is needed


Open your mind to the possibility that this is possible and that it takes a conscious shift in all of us in this planet to do so ...

"" Can you be  be that conscious shift and   IMAGINE   just what it may be like ?  "" 

Go on .........................


Imagine love 
Imagine abundance 
Imagine healing 
Imagine gratitude 
Imagine grace 

Now do you feel better ........................????

You are there .. Stay there for as long as you wish as many times a day as you like ...and tell your  your loved ones that one day this will be here .............   if they imagine too .

Cheers
Gary Darbyshire

Imagine - John Lennon   ( God blessed him with universal love for every one )



Friday, June 18, 2010

Phttp://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5601814845235027403#allpostslease join me for a moment in my mind !!!!!

“ I wish to take you into  my mind today
for a moment   “

You  know sometimes you hurt inside and it feels as if your heart is crying out for something more than just your existence on the big blue round thing that spins around and around .  I have learned through consultations with those apparently with Qualifications  that simply by choosing to ignore negative anything . I learned to assess each item on its merits and then throw it to the back of my mind for processing .

Processing !!!!!   … Well here  a scenario of  how I do it and I hope you may all be able to relate to the process and be able to use it for your selves or others .. and it will allow me to show some of my writing to you .. Modest am I ?? NOT!! …



Having a Moment ….


He sat there and looked at himself . He had just walked 5 kilometres through the rain in little more than a pair of trousers he wore on special occasions and a shirt which was given to him by his son one fathers day that was probably two sizes too big . The trousers looked more like Pantaloons now that you may see on a pirate !!!  … The colour a muddied grey and brown  the marks on the pockets evident of a struggle ..The shirt an open neck boat shirt which when first given to him was actually a glorious shade of white .. Now a mish mash of brown . charcoal and baby poo yellow …

He sat there laughing to him self quietly and crying out in his mind as he surveyed his surroundings … Where was he ?? A place not familiar in this world at least to him …  He noticed a little boy further ahead on a rock .. just gazing out on an ocean and light house on the edge of a peninsula  Around him.  He was  now a little aware and  realised what ever dream he was in it had been carefully orchestrated for him to take stock of a few things …

He then opened his eyes a little wider and wiped the first layer of mud off his   face and looked closely at the boy who now was becoming more and more familiar ..  he saw he was just as still as the sky which was now becoming a little calmer . He then looked at the sea that was swirling around in the distance .. His mind was trying to make sense of the scene around him and the more he thought about it the bigger the wave got the worse the rain would beat down on him and the less clear the  sky would be .. ..

He needed so much to get warm but the more he pushed his mind in to a warm place an energy around him  would either radiate too much heat or simply  heighten the feeling of disappointment …  He tried then to gather his thought and wonder just how to solve the puzzle in and around his moment he was having ..


He began thinking to what was happening simultaneously in the reality of life in his other ego driven , approval seeking  , and sad world to where he sometimes lived . . He thought about moments where he was chastised for his thoughts , his opinions , his ideas .. he thought about times when he was trodden on verbally through out his life and then looked around at the surroundings as he was doing so … as a storm brewed around him


His mind was stretching and he was now crying out to any one who would hear him .. it was hurting and he could feel blood on his face from the pain of the anger coming through .. the more he directly laid blame on him self the worse the pain would get .. as the storm got worse and his body which now was now being overloaded with manifestations of low energy was engulfing like a vice on his mind ..

His mind now raging he shifted his consciousness to how much love he didn't have for him self and as the storm blew around him he saw his life as a sequence of moments where he chose to let others take away his own preservation , integrity , thoughtfulness , divinity . he saw times when he probably should have not been so weak when he should have been a little more confident in himself . 

As he was analysing these memories and experiences the eye of the storm passed over him and he felt for the first time in this moment that he had some control .. his mind was a little clearer . He knew that the storm would return soon though .. they always did ..  some how these experiences were lining up before him and presenting him with new words and new thoughts of Hope ,  deflection ,  not his problem to worry , out of his control , not personal   , they are just venting , he didn't t create it , 

His bloodied face and battered hands looked to the clear white sky and with the clarity of mind that needed to be cleansed he  exclaimed ….

“ I love me ,,,,, I love me ,,,,, I love me   and not one
person or other entity can ever ever cease to
make me feel this way .. My love for me is strong
and enduring and it would not matter how many
demons out there try to take this love from me it
will neve leave me !!!!

NEVER !!!!!!!!!!  “”
The blood on his his body intensified and he struggled to breathe, He fell too his knees and reached out with his arms  as the storm returned but he continued his sermon to the ether above


  “”” And while you continue to throw my mind memories or events which weaken me I will continue to Love myself even more !! until my soul returns to its rightful place to protect me along my journey to happiness …. No more will the evils of my mind allow me to live below my expectations . And any thing negative used as a defence against me I will simply process and evaluate the consequence .. So what ever Force you have in side your tiny chasm  take your leave now !!!  Coz I haven't  got time and have a life to live … with a wonderful family and a wonderful experience of future happiness …..  I will not let any thing stop me from moving forward … So take your filthy black storm clouds out of my mind and choose to love your self too….  “”


“ Be gone “
“ I love me and my strength to endure all is here now “
“ I Love me and am ready to accept al the universe has to offer “


He looked up and to his amazement found him self seeing a bright blue sun and and a serenade of Angels above him . He could feel some thing in side him buzzing !!! . He stood up and felt love . Love like never before . the storm had passed . The angels enveloped him and told him that all as in hand with his life now  . He  lifted his hand to the sky and as tears rolled down his cheeks simply said


“  I choose to love me and choose to thank all those whom are in my life Yesterday , Today and Tomorrow and will learn all I can to be all I can now ….””




The little boy on the rock was not there any more but he could feel his spirit inside him again and the clothes he had on as he entered this moment were now clean ready for new memories and new moments to cherish  for the rest of his life ……in peace with infinite love and gratitude for all that may follow in his life …….

Gary Darbyshire © 2010 ….. Copyright
comments appreciated  bless you all….Gary

Monday, May 24, 2010

" Are you goin to finish Strong "



Tears are pouring down my face right now as I look at my life and the worries I have about my self sometimes emotions of .....

Guilt
shame
Hopelessness
Envy
jealousy
regret
Sadness
Hurt
Anger

I feel that I am so lucky in life to be who I am as I watch the following inspirational video . . I know I whinge about my issues in life and use my blog to vent my spleen .  but I realise know how fortunate my life really is and look at it a little differently

The simple things like

Walking along the beach and  feeling the sand between my toes and running to chase a seagull like a mad puppy dog who has no fear . clapping my hands in appreciation of some one who has done well .  Being able to hold my wife in my arms when she is crying or upset and just needs a cuddle . Or putting my arms around a friend to console them in difficult times ..  Being able to walk my daughter down the Aisle at her Wedding and waving at my son as he scores a goal at soccer .. Hugging my first child and holding him in my arms ....

Simple things I take for granted . ..



I watched this video posted on my Facebook page and just cried and cried ..  It makes me realise just who I am and how  my life is compared to others . I complain  about everything and nothing ,  I argue about everything and nothing .    Every one has potential in life and our souls are there to guide us ...may be its time we listened to our souls a little more . God already has a plan for me . of that I ma suer . I think it high time I put it in to action  rather than wallowing in my own self righteousness !!!




Emotionally we all take things for granted DON'T WE .. the video below reinforces just how wonderful we all are in the scheme of things and that no matter what our stumbling bocks we have in life . we are not alone but the key word here is in our life is  as Nick Vujicic says in the video

" Are you going to finish strong ?.............then you will find the strength to get back up "






Please watch this video and I ask that you please please share it with all your friends . To show that we are so blessed on this earth and we should all be grateful  no matter what . Nick speaks for us all

God Bless you all and all you have in your lives .. ...

Thank you
Gary

Saturday, May 22, 2010

A moment if you please after 6 months of Blogging

I write to you all to say how I am touched by each end every one of you . I started writing this blog with the aim to simply help me feel better about my self and may be relate my experiences to others who may be seeking an understanding of what life is like as some one who has or is suffering from a mental illness and that some times it is a very lonely scary place to be.

I wanted to share my journey  with you and share my last few years as I have lived it . I wanted to move your mind in to my world and allow you to see , more importantly I wanted to give hope to the world in a way that allows it to may be change the way it breathes as a oneness .

I have written much dialogue  about my self .  So far you have laughed , cried , screamed and yelled with me as I have shared at times my inner most thoughts . for me writing comes natural , But I know not all of you express your selves in this way so I have tried to touch you all in as many ways as I possibly can using many media ..

My aim has also been to help others  by my posts . I have not sought validation or approval for my work . Eventually if I find a publisher brave enough to take my work on I may see the world reading my work . I just want the world to be a happier place and people to be accepted just for who they are in this wonderful planet ,

I have made many friends here while writing my  blogs . Some of you have brought me to tears literally with your own stories and some of you have humbled me by your comments and I acknowledge you all .

I do this also as a way of therapy for myself who like you experiences life in many weird and wonderful ways , Blogs are a way also to do things like to say

I am sorry , I love you , forgive me ,  I care , I have disappointed , I am human .   We some times as writers can get a little brazened in out approach . I have probably been guilty of this too

I am but a mere mortal on this planet with so many faults .. Just ask my family . But I accept me for who I am . I don’t think I really want to be any other way . 

 

To my followers I thank you for your support over the first six months and feel so special that there are so many of you .. I check every day to see how many people have joined . I get so excited when a new person joins and am always touched when I read here or on facebook your comments  I am like a kid in a candy store .

 

Over the last few month my mind has been muddled and I have had moments of darkness . Moments of stark life contemplation and  heavy heart . I guess I am still learning to love me and in the process have stopped being me .

I cannot change who I am . I am a product of my difficult background .  I try not to pass judgment and I am trying to hold back tears now as I remember back earlier this year  people close to me thought of me other wise . I have struggled with my families on both mine and my partner see me . and that hurts me the most ..  I cannot help where i came from or who my role models were in my life . I have learned of late to try to acknowledge just who I am and try to Love me .. 

at the end of the day I am human , I make mistakes , I learn and I try my hardest apply the learning . So please don't judge me on that my dear families . Just Love me … May be I am  just trying to find love and have probably hurt people along the way ..

It is easy for others to judge

Please stop judging me .. please .

I am a great person not some mentally unstable person who carries the personality traits of persons past ..I hope those who have doubted me with my blog receive the love that God can give them more than others .

I want to say to you all that I share my love with all of you in my thoughts . You are all like a big family to me and I do worry about how you all are in your lives . I appreciate too that my life is one life and your stories are all different .

I am still singing and have shared much from my barber shop world and wooed a few singers here too.

I have enjoyed sharing my story about my father with you and loved the feedback from that . it has been a difficult chapter of my life and has caused much sentiment in many eyes and has touched people here who have been able to relate to it . The reunion affected me in many ways and also has changed me as a person . I have over the last few months had to deal with this as a man and not as a childhood memory and have had to deal with repressed memories , bubbling emotions and of late some dark moments of contemplation about just who I am and why and how  I should behave towards my family on both sides and for that I am truly truly sorry . I have felt rejected for who I am and how I got to this stage in my life , trying to make up for lost time .

I have realised how important my own family unit are to me .  And those of you who think lesser of me because of my behaviour .. I have no excuses for any of it . I am trying to grapple with the soul I am and ask for your forgiveness yet do not expect anything more than acknowledgement .

 

To my family and  wonderful in laws I ask to learn to know me again .. I miss you all greatly and will try to be all that I can be to all of you …My blessings to you .. .. ..

 

So where to from here ??

I will just try to be the best person I can be . Like every one else I will fall some times but I will get back up and just keep plodding along no matter who tries to tear me ..

I will try to bring my heart out for others to share so that one day you will feel the goodness in me …

6 months on and I am still on my journey to happiness and learning to breathe gently though every minute of it ..

 

May God’s Angels lift my soul to heaven ever so gently when

I sleep to renew the love I have for me so I may help other souls

become all that God has intended for them “

 

 

Gary Darbyshire

Author – Journey to Happiness  2010 May ..

 

spiritual_sunset___1600x1200___id_25483-1600x1200

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Time to repair my world ..

Theres some thing about Josh Groban that soothes my soul .. that inspires me to be all I can be no matter what others may think of me . In the earliest moments of the day as I sit here , I listen to the re assurance of Gods voice through his lyrics and feel a little warmer in side as I sing along to heal any damage I may have done to my soul though the day just passed .

His lyrics below help me realize my love for my Wife and how wonderful she is and how much I have neglected her of recent times  . We are all unique souls on this planet . I am realizing that love is about give and take and is not reserved for one way expectations .It is also not about what is in it for me and it is some thing you need to work on .. as I write I feel my heart flutter back to a time when I really meant it and that over the last few years my mad mind has taken me over . However through the difficulties of depression to which I use no excuses for I am learning slowly to grow and take responsibility for who I am and realize I need to work on being all that I can be and all my soul is destined to achieve 

" From this day forward I will throw my energy in to the purest of Love I can find that the universe has to its avail and spread it to all who know me whom I have hurt or let down and try so so hard to make up for any misgiving in my life .. " 

blessings 
Gary 


Enjoy his Lyrics below .. 
Josh Groban ,,,, 

My heart was home again
Josh Groban 



So it goes, history shows
Deserts must expand
And camels sail like wooden ships
Like women on the strand
There’s sand on second avenue
And the wind blows like a train
Taxis light up like a string of pearls
Around the block again

And I remembered everything
And every windowpane
Every word came back to me
The way it used to be

Then I saw your face across the street
And my heart was home again

There’s a bus that leaves at 8:15
And another one at 10
Should I climb aboard ,
Risk everything and
Ride it to the end
Watch the hills like roller coasters
Up against the sky
And wish that you were here by me
So close that I could die
You said love wrecks everything
And none of us survive
So I got over you last night
And I am still alive

Then I saw your face across the street
And my heart was home again

And I remembered everything,
And every windowpane
Every word came back to me
The way it used to be

And then I saw your face across the street
And my heart was home…again 

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Listen to your soul sing


Listen to the vibrations you feel sometimes as you grapple the day ahead Now step back a moment and break the moment down in to a single momentary breath 



Listen to your heart and in between feel the small vibration ??That's the singing of your soul So sing a song back in between the breaths you take in the gap of your life's moments 
to aid you in your day.

Now close your eyes and imagine floating through your soul ..

What do you see ?  


Soul Existence





What you see will be many paths , many lives and many minds which are all yours 

What you experience is up to you but in my journey back to happiness I have experienced the touch of my soul by listening deeply in side my mind and quietly reflecting on my situation   no matte how low I may feel . I try to focus on a little light force that will beat constantly and I wait in my mind till it comes by and picks up my sadness and takes me home to the  mother of my soul ...my heart....



Its not about God but more about the synergy between spirit and soul . I believe your spirit helps guide your soul in to the right direction and as planned as we may feel we may be we all have free will to change our path so when you search your soul for answers exercise that choice and when you are sad make happier choices .. 


Blessings to all my followers especially my newest ones ..



Sincerely 
Gary Darbyshire 



Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Ave maria .. a song to help your soul


 When it is time to go inside my soul this song is one that lets me go there and lets me breathe with out effort or predjudice , with out fear or reprisal with out envy or hate but just with love for all in my world..



 Blessings Gary darbyshire


Saturday, April 3, 2010

Its your soul and your journey and no one is trying to race you !!!

one of my readers said to me  on facebook 

(  SIC ) 4th April 2010

Thank you for what you offer. I have such a long way to go to get where you are. I know that once a person, a human has suffered a real depression in their soul or spirit, it will always be there for who they are. So I don't doubt that you still struugle with what your depression means to you. Yet you offer insight and grace to the human experience through your sharing. I thank you for that, because it helps me to know that I am not alone in my human experiences..
Thank you Gary.



Here is my response :


I think my experience has taught me that the human spirit learns to take on board a new strength . it is as if you are quietly taken on a journey through the many lives of your soul all the while healing  those parts of your current life that hurt so much . Once you get through the other side ....just keep going !!!

Appreciating more of your self and not being over concerned about others who may pitch a fork on your road . Though some times you may fall over . you have to get back up . it is not like those who have suffered mental illness are seeking any kind of emotion from others . it is just that may be we have seen the universe in a different light and though are not victims of who we are but have a different soul path


Our journeys all for all of us   are  different

I have 128 friends listed here    every single one of you are on a different path . for what ever the reason you are all part of my journey in some way or another  and i guess we are all brought together to learn something from each other ...


May be for me it is to help others feel good about them selves Hey it is all different ....

Who ever or what ever created this for us has a plan . We don't really need to know exactly what it is . we do however have the ability to make choices to how we read the map that our soul has embedded ..


Life  is here to be lived ... Its your choice all of you

Its you journey . its your happiness

Make it happen ..... but for you , but for you ....






My kindest regards to all of you here who read my blogs . I really hope I make a small difference to how you live your lives . I am touched by you r kind words . i wish more people could see my work .. please share me if you wish or don't ...

blessings
Gary Darbyshire
Author :

Journey back to happiness








Thursday, April 1, 2010

I am only Human but will try harder to love






I am only Human , But I will try harder to love 

As the Christian world  reflects on the easter celebrations of good Friday I found this video while enjoying some more music after a chorus practice with my Accapella group lat night in Wollongong  where I live .while watching the haunting video and truly amazing sound from the beautiful singers ,  I wept openly at the fortune in my life and looked to the heavens and thanked everyones  God that must be up there in one divine looking down on us 




In my mind I saw my family and I saw how even through troubled waters in my life that I really am just a human and as mistake ridden as I am as we I live to learn in my journey back to happiness . I live to understand just what it is that the big bloke on the top floor has planned for me . 




So I say to those out there I have hurt , disappointed , let down .  berated ,  humiliated , made feel unworthy , showed anger to , excluded , sought attention of  ,  been selfish to , taken advantage of , gossiped of , lied to , deceived of or passed judgment on shown dis respect towards , shunned , made fun of , 




I am   human and not made to be perfect  




Please forgive me

   I am but human and still learning 






I say to my family from my wife  Yolanda     to my brother in law   Joe   to my children  to my mother and to my father ..and Step father ...






I will try to be the best  dad 
I will try to be the best son 
I will try to be the best Brother 
I will try to be the best husband 
I will try to be the best brother in law 
I will try to be the best Uncle 
I will try to be the best family member 






Please forgive me 

I am but human and willing to learn 




to all my friends and the rest of the world 

Please forgive me as I am simply human






Wednesday, March 31, 2010

" Lullaby " featuring Tim Waurick " A true inspiration "

The following video inspires me to look at life in a nice way . I usually sing this late at night when all my family are tucked away in bed . I try to sing with the quartet below . Tim Waurick is the tenor on the far left . he has an amazing god blessed voice . I am a singer of  Accapella four part harmony -    barbershop style   and also like Tim a tenor .

I stand here as an apprentice tenor next to this guy . This mans voice inspires me to feel good about my self and helps me direct my own voice to help warm my soul and let it come out and heal me some how . Song helps as a door way to our soul  open up and  replenishes  any heart ache we may have,   if only for a moment we are transformed in to another space where we are safe from harm ....

Please take time to listen and watch these guys or if you are lucky enough .. go and see them live .. I wish to do so one day ...


Blessings to you all once again ..

Gary Darbyshire ...




" Lullaby " performed by Vocal Spectrum - barbershop Quartet from USA ...

Monday, March 29, 2010

3 weeks 38 years and 3000 memories that mean I love you Dad ..

3 weeks 38 years and 3000 memories that mean I love you Dad ..

Next time you say good bye to your Son   Hug him tightly and tell him just how much you love him and neve ever forget it ……

The opportunity to hug or embrace my son as his Dad is one I always treasure. Whether it is to tell him good luck in his pursuits, whether it is to say Sorry for some thing I have said or to console him for something he has done or has been affected by and just needs hid dads reassurance that every thing is ok.

The gentle touch we give our children ,   that shows just how much we care.  The times we are there for them in their lives when they   really just want some one to talk to . The birthdays , the holidays , the days when they are so so angry with the world and no matter what we say to them its all out fault and how dare we interfere in their lives and yet a few hours later they are laughing and carrying on as if nothing has happened .

The  first school day , the first girlfriend , their fist goal scored at soccer on a wet windy day at  a sportsground that is not even covered . The moments of pure admiration when they graduate from high school ,  and the pride we have as a parents when we se them helping others ads if it is just second nature .

The crying when you send them too their room for something they did wrong   feeling in your heart  that may be you were too harsh but they needed to learn right from wrong . 

Now imagine for a moment if you never got to experience that as a dad or never  received it from your Dad …   After 38 years I began to experience some of those things.

In my last   story  , I told you all about my experiences and feeling as I flew up to meet my dad . I was asked to write a follow up but before I wrote it I thought it important to set the scene so you all could appreciate at a deeper level what most Dad s take for granted..   

So what happened after thirty eight years?  Well for the first few days we talked and talked and talked .. I had so many questions to ask of him I wanted to know why he left? . I wanted to know what happened between him and my mother,   and I really wanted to know , if he really loved me after so long and living so far away in England .

Those questions were foremost in my mind. As we talked so many emotions bubbled away inside me and as we spoke so many memories of my child hood  came flooding back  . Almost as quickly as they came so did the tears . tears streaming down my face emotions coming back to visit me from days gone by . I  guess after such a long time my love for him was still there and it had decided to show  its self  over a dew hot  steamy days  in Brissie .

 

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I  knew now that he had not abandoned me , I knew now that hew needed to go so my life would be a better one . I also knew that he cried so hard for may weeks . he told me that when he boarded the plane in Sydney to leave his children behind that he said to some one next to him on the plane that he had just said good bye to his family for the last time and thought he would never ever get to hold them or kiss them good night , that he would never be able to laugh with them and he would never be able to be there for them ever ..

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I also knew how it had affected me emotionally over these years an how I had suffered  emotionally in the way I  am in my life . I also new that my tears would be happier ones now as I held him as my dad again after so  so  long ..

Over the few weeks of him being here we got to know each other   a little more ,  we spent  a week camping and he was able to meet my so so caring wife and children . the  grand children he never knew as little babies so he never had the chance to know them until now as teenagers .   This was a little strange but he coped .

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My wife spent time with him and go to know   more of the deep and meaningful stuff and used her womanly nurturing skills to make him warm in side again .  Even if it meant accidentally walking to  a nudist beach near our camp site  and being totally surprised with what  lay before them ..  They had no idea that the other and of the camping beach was reserved for such activities ????

As many of you here are aware I am a singer and by some sort of co incidence so is my Dad . How amazing !!! While in Brisbane we sang together in front of a packed café in Brisbane’s beach suburbs .. Yep after 38 years between drinks we sang together at a gig with another singer for 35 minutes ..  We sang ballads , blues and a few barber shop sort of songs .  You see my dad sang in pubs and clubs singing Perry Como covers and the crooners songs of the sixties , seventies and eighties ..  He also stopped after a dark spot there with depression and vowed never to sing again until finally in that café in Brisbane I brought him back in to the light , those coincidences  again ..

While staying with my family I showed him many of the old haunts he used to know and also a few places which brought back some dark memories he realty needed to confront .  Also bringing back a few I didn’t even know I had my self ..

 

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After thirty eight years , three weeks and countless memories shared and songs played it was time for him to go . I drove him to the airport with probably   the most sombre mood I had been in .  It was time to say good bye .  We pulled to the side of the road and I knew then that once again after thirty eight years it was time to go . My emotions were   peaking, my eyes were filling up and I was ready to cry out

“Don’t go   Dad, Don’t leave us, please not again???!!!!!

“   Don’t leave us again “”

“We love you “ ..

But this time it was different I hugged him because I knew he wasn’t. I kissed him on the cheek as my dad used to kiss me and simply said

“Thank you Dad ,  Thank you for coming , see you soon “  I love you mate

My Dad hugged me and simply said

“ I love you now and have always loved you ,  see you soon Gary “

And with that he was gone from my life … but this time hopefully for not as long ..

So next time you see your son or see you dad give them a little hug and tell them just how much you love them .. no matter what ..

Till next time

Happy Easter

Gary Darbyshire

 

 

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Learn to accept that any thing in life is possible - Dare to dream ..

Dare to dream the impossible
Dare to think the un thinkable
Dare to love the un lovable

Love you
Love you first
Love all in the world that is good
Love even those who may not be so great

As you spread love you attract love .
As you receive love others receive it too

When you wake up in the morning
Be at peace with yourself
Be at peace with your loved ones
Be at peace with the world

Breathe in Love
Breathe out deeper love .
There the world is ready to receive you and all you have to give ..

Get out there !!!

And Peace will be all around for all of us ....  Dare to dream


Gary Darbyshire  (c) 2010
please share me ... and share the love ..




Wednesday, March 24, 2010

You are loved ...








To all my followers let me say to you all

You are loved .... 


I have been a little remiss of late in posting . I do apologize . I have had some searching with in my soul to do . I have been a little down .  Some times when we are down a little we need to be reminded that no matter what we think or feel about ourselves that , or if we feel we are not loved now that no matter what  that we are truly loved even if we feel no one in the world cares about us . 

Of late I  have wandered through my soul to find answers to my reason for being and if I have  been a burden to others in this journey to happiness,   if what I am writing here is worth while or just a guy looking for attention ., to feed his ego , to fuel his validation , to seek your approval ..

I care so much for people who have suffered in life as much as I care for people who do not care about others in life . to me we all have purpose here . some of us take a little longer to find it . 

When it finds you ..... when it finds.....   you you will know it .....

My journey twists and turns and as I walk through the dark forest today I know that there is sun trying to get through to me so I will keep trudging along till it hits me in the face ..  I know  that I love me and that is all that matters isn't it ??


 I worry not what others think or say about me ...!!!!!


So I guess at least I know I am loved by me , even if you are told you are not loved you can always count on you .... 

Bless  you all and enjoy my offerings today .. 

Gary D .. :(


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

An excerpt from my Book (2) part 1

Bringing out my past soul memories ….
As he made his way along the beach with the  sun trying ever so hard to slow him down as if being directed by another source , he continued to push his now heavily burdened soul through the refreshing white water, as it lapped up against him to say hello like a puppy dog tugging at his ankle
After three days his mind was awash with memories of a past he had to live again .  A past where up until recently was of only one track , missing the other side of the record .  The “ B “ side . finally after 45 years of existence on this planet deep seeded emotions were now bubbling below the surface .
Gary looked inside his mind and saw his alter ego walking through the cold recesses   scouring on graffiti ladened walls of his soul  where etched in darkened crevices were the emotions he had forgotten how to use …
The last three  days had seen him learn much of his father’s experience .  Well at least the jigsaw pieces that had been missing for so long were at least on the board .  he now understood a little more about emotions which until now hew had fought to understand . repressed memories of a different life to which now looked so so foreign .now had a chance to come out and talk to him
He would not stop walking this path until he was able to talk to his soul and summoned all the issues forward to then deal with and get to know personally . there was no turning back in his mind now .. 
It was going to be a long road to walk and as the sun disappeared behind  the clouds above him he knew the summoning was about to begin .. He would meet his past and bring it back to the future . He …..

……….To be continued ….. on my journey back to happiness  ..
Gary Darbyshire

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Open your Heart to today




Open you r heart to the day 

May God's spirit send happiness to your souls 
Allow your journey today start with a moment 
Allow the moment to rest on your mind 
Believe that you are happy with what you have accomplished   Simply Love .....Simply Love .....
YOU...... 


Gary Darbyshire   2010


Enjoy and share ..
Blessings to all ...





Dare to dream with your eyes open

Dare to dream with your eyes open 

If we spend a moment in our busy day to just reflect  who we are and why we are here,  even if we don't quite know ,  We open our minds to wonderful opportunities .  Meditation and self reflection are ways of looking in to our souls . Inspiring music and pictures like these below are an example of creating a multimedia experience for us to just be ...


As my journey continues and as I heal  , I look back at times when I was down and perplexed with life . The one constant I had which kept me on an even keel if only for a moment was the synergy of music words and the visuals my sad mind would conjour up . As I meditated I allowed my self to wonder what may be and where I may be or when may I be . Inspiring music allowed me to attract positive thoughts into my mind ..

Imagine the beautiful visuals Andrea Bocelli must have when he sings this song knowing he cannot see like many of us .   Use all the senses you have to heighten your experience of life if you are not a full sensory person learn to be so you may experience all that God created you to be .




Dare to dream with your eyes open, 
Allow your soul to record the history of how you feel
Store the hope your heart  pumps through every part of your being 
Cherish the moment of your prayers and be at peace with you always 




Enjoy the video .and dream with those eyes open ...

Gary Darbyshire 2010




Saturday, March 6, 2010

Songs that say so much about how you feel



Isn't it amazing how a songs words  can suit how you feel ???


This song comes to mind at the moment for me ....

Featuring legendary Tenor on far left   " Tim Waurick "  



bless you all

Gary

Beautiful voice from Heaven - David Phelps

As a singer  I appreciate great singing and great singers . Songs bring your soul out to express your most inner feelings that can touch an audience to their very heart ..  I stumbled on this song on the site of one of my favorite Barbershop tenors Tim  Waurick . It was a song on his page .


Singing helped me come back from some dark days in my life .  God  had a hand too  I am sure . So moral is sing and praise all that is around you . be happy to know you may have never suffered but know that some one is watching over you if you do

Sing and let your soul  smile !!

Blessings to all  my readers  ...
Gary




Wednesday, March 3, 2010

God Bless you

I am a little sad today .

Yesterday some one I work with was given to   God . He was some ones  father , someones son , someones brother and some ones lover, he went hopefully to a better place  where at least his mind would now be at peace,    now more than ever he would be missed by all those who he thought he could live with out


God bless you  ...  We will miss you  

You were a real gentleman always , May God be with you always  





Please Please support Beyond blue ( the depression initiative )

If you or some one you know suffers from depression . Please please ask for help ... please

Beyond Blue   web site  further information  on Depression


God bless you all

Gary

Sunday, February 28, 2010

A little magic for all of you to live positive lives

 

  Change the colour of your day

 

May the Sun smile down on your heart and sing a song of happiness every time you praise your self for how wonderful you really are and even if you don’t ,  may the sun shine more happiness on your soul than ever before… 

Within the deepest chasms of our mind lays a tiger not yet born waiting to unleash all power from within and from the depths of the universe there is a golden sunshine to catch  the smallest of sunshine from the furthest star

From my heart love pours

From my God wisdom flows

so I am happier now in my soul ,  because I know it will be a good day ,

So love  one another and live beyond fear

Cry not the sadness you may feel

Cry for the happiness that replenishes you heart and envelops your souls positive intention .

Worthiness is not for the meek as it is from strength within that changes your outlook on the world and all the life it has to offer you …

So make a little magic as you choose the colour of you day

 

Gary Darbyshire 2010  © copyright

Words to live by ( repost )

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves; “Who am I to be brilliant..talented…fabulous?” Who are you not to be? … Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us…. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

” A course in Miracles “

blessings

Gary Darbyshire

Please click on the share buttons if you like it !!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Close your eyes and see You



Close Your Eyes 

When you close your eyes to sleep
You see the first thing you saw before you were born


You see peace 
You see love
You see affection 
You see warmth 
You see nurture 

Then when you open them in the morning for the first time you are at peace in that moment 

You feel warmth 
You smell affection 
And you know Love 

Close your eyes again 

Are you still there ??

You see you ....




Gary Darbyshire   copyrighted 2004 (c) 



Friday, February 19, 2010

Wake Up Your Mind Today

( a meditation for your soul ) .. please try this at home 

Breathe in through your heart , Breathe out through your mind
Breathe in all the splendor that God creates and allow it to circulate through your inner most self . Let your self be lifted by the purity and cleanse your thoughts of impurity and darkness as you breathe in . Now  feel the joy of what is made up for today ..

Now with all inside your heart , breathe out through your mind and allow your self to hear your heart talk,laugh , sing and heal,  though also love as you breathe out through your mind

Allow yourself to simply feel your spirit around you to receive positive energy through your mind and keep breathing and carefully between the words  listen to what your soul is trying to say to you and allow your self
to make it part of your day …

Gary Darbyshire  28/07/2005   © copyright 2005 .

Gee I wrote  that…???? then ?? .. hmmm..

See full size image

Spirit of Self

This was written on the same evening of the previous work . I use my writing to help journey deep in side my mind to seek out what may be troubling my soul and try to some how feel my self healing by my words . I hope you enjoy this piece ..Please share the post with those on you friends list if they may benefit ..

Love to you all Gary

Spirit of Self

 

Touch my hand and you shall feel me

Hear my voice and you shall know me

See my face and you shall realise me

 

Touch your hand and I try to feel you

Hear your voice and I try to listen

See your face and I feel your heart

 

Bring out your anger and set it free

Cry out your sadness and let it be

Know my name and know it is me

Open your heart and open it to me

So my heart may show you the way

 

Gary Darbyshire  © 2000   13/11-

“ Where to now God ??? “

Written in the year 2000 over ten years ago . A piece that pushed boundaries and at the time when in my journey my mind was being stretched by so many variables such as job loss , parentals issues and personal struggles . It was a time of darkness . it was a time where i was really struggling with my own existence  as a human being . I have talked of lower level emotions and this poem certainly touches those .  there are more of my works to come . this is just a taste ,,,     Bless you all …

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Gary Darbyshire  20/2/2010

Where to Now God ?

I struggle choking back tears

Why is my life so cruel ?

What is it that God sees in me ?

In my existence I wonder why I be

Do I deserve the torture ?

Who am I really kidding , my words or my voice ?

Does God have meaning for me in the world ?

If he does . please show me God for I am confused with life right now

Like  a fork in the road

 

I love my family though I’m struggling to show .

My heart cries out,   where do I go

You show me now signs ,  just more tests

I love my wife she shelters my soul though

Even she isn’t with me when I m down

When I wonder what its is you have planned for my journey in life

Do your disciples feel I am wasting my time

Why do send your demons to haunt my mind ?

Have I disappointed you so much to be scorned ?

 

Just say the words I long to hear for I feel god that I will never hear !!

My life is a misery but I will try my best to serve you , so please God

show me some light , don't let me stop or give up my life , show me the way

back to your heart and tell my wife that i love here and I am deeply sorry and

that I do indeed care ….

 

 

Gary Darbyshire © 2000   13/11-

despair-full

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